As a child, I imagined my life when I grew up. I would be married to a doctor, we’d live in a cute 2 story white house with a wrap around porch to-die-for, and have 4 gorgeous well dressed and behaved kids. Two boys, two girls. My days would either be spent as a stay at home mom or an actress…that wasn’t clear to me yet, ha! Of course the house would be spotless, our cars would be nice, and we would vacation to amazing locations like Branson. (I was a kid, remember.)
But clearly that is not how things have gone.
There are no doctors, actors, 2 story spotless houses, nice cars or amazing vacations. I do however have a wonderful husband and 4 gorgeous kids. My days are spent as a stay at home mom, but there I often find myself in a 4 verses 1 scenario…these kids are smart! Money is tight, but love is plenty. And then when I was certain our lives would gradually become easier as the kids grew, my business flourished, and Sam graduated school; we again found out we were expecting.
I have felt defeated, worried, cried a mountain of tears, and have even been upset with God because I wondered how we could afford another child. We almost had a handle on affording the four we already had, ha! As I sat in my self pity my mind wandered to my sweet roommate from Influence. I remembered we cried together as she struggled with her infertility. She bore her heart and I could see that God was working on and through her. Man how I wished this were her pregnant and able to experience all that joy. Joy I clearly wasn’t feeling because I couldn’t believe this happened to me.
Happened to me?
Oh how she would hurt me for saying that. All she wanted was a baby and I just wanted to not have another. Selfish I know.
Right then I knew why God placed her on my heart. I planned to just “go through the motions” on this pregnancy, always on the defensive and almost apologetic with my answer to questions. But today I’m making a change. You see I want to experience this pregnancy for the first time like it were through her eyes. I want to praise God for this new life, and not worry about all the ifs, ands, or buts. This pregnancy is all about joy, and it will be.
Even though I am working to that point, I must say I am still dreading the;
“You know what causes this, right?”
“Weren’t you done after the last baby?”
“How many kids are you going to have?”
questions and my knee jerk reaction to apologize for this child. I will work on that. But there is one question I am more than happy to answer for you right now,
And the doctor is 95% sure that Estes Baby #5 is a…..
{This month’s advertisement!}
Brittany! Thank you for sharing your heart on your blog! I love your new perspective on baby #5. I’ll be praying for you 🙂
BTW, How far along are you?
I went through the same emotions with baby #4. I laughed and cried… for days. But, God is supreme in His ways and this baby is already destined for greatness. Love your transparency… and you will be fine. We are right there with ya (and making it with 5 kids). Congrats on your new little girl. 🙂
What an amazing gift you have been given! God clearly has chosen your family for a fifth precious baby for a reason. Congratulations on another girl! It will be fun to have the girls all right in a row! Girl names… oh my, I could name a million girls! Piper, Mallory, Leighton, Sadie, Presley, Cadence, Georgia, Campbell, Emme, Vivienne, Payton! 🙂
Yay!! Another sweet girl! Don’t even think about apologizing for this little one–no inappropriate questions here!
As for names, how about working in Joy? 🙂
So sweet 🙂 God gives us such amazing lives that are better than we plan for, just in a different way!
My favorite girl name is Campbell and, Maclane “mackie”
So so fun! I’m so excited for you! I know you will think of a wonderful name, but I’m not going to give you mine haha. It’s selfish but I’m not done having kids yet and I’m bad at thinking of names Cal and I can agree on!
Congratulations again! Perspective is so important. I hope people are just happy for you and your family and keep the rude and inappropriate questions to themselves. How fun for your babies to grow up in a big family!
Your story about your friend for some reason made me tear up. I guess b/c I know what she’s going through.
I am so glad you are taking a different perspective on this pregnancy and I will be praying for you through it all.
Also, YAY IT’S A GIRL!! So excited for you!
Girl, that’s amazing! I mean your attitude about the whole thing, good for you. I would have felt the same way, I understand!! Such an encouragement, really! So congratulations!
Brittany you made me cry. By the ideas of names you of coarse mean cute and unique that start with a p of coarse.;). I just want you to know that I love you ever more and you are forever en-pressed on my heart as I see the way you over come the smallest and biggest things in life(With courage, faith, and a laugh when possible). I am almost scared to see what all your children will become when they grow up because I know that you and Sam are putting every part of yourselves into them and man if this kid is like her big brother and sister the world should watch out.
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Congratulations Brittany! I have totally been there- finding out I was pregnant when I was sure we were done having kids. Very, very, very hard news to take in but now that little baby is a five year old beautiful girl that I adore with every fiber of my being. Somehow it all works out- like God really does know what He is doing- right?! My bestie is about to have her first little girl and they are deciding between the names Charlotte and Landry. What are your ideas on names?
Seriously, after having 5 children, you should name at least one after yourself. 🙂