The S Word[s]

Tonight my husband had a few things he wanted to share about marriage…and being the sweet, supportive wife I am (stop laughing Sam)…I obliged! 😉 So without further ado, the man who has to deal with all my sarcasm….Sam!

I have noticed over the course of my marriage that males and females are very complementary in many areas, that is to say that we really are different.  The ‘S’ words are things which are necessary to both genders yet each have trouble explaining the need, even sometimes ashamed to admit it- I know that I was at first.  I have read more than a few books over marriage and they can all be easily summarized into these two words- the ‘S’ words.  The best book I can suggest  (if I may) is “His Needs, Her Needs”.  If used the right way guys you can see you wife melt and become your greatest ally; women you will find your husband is more attentive and generous with gratitude!

Here is the secret: Heart Change! Ha, well thats not an ‘S’ word but it’s the truth behind the pneumonic.  With marriage there is really no easy fixes- no easy way to solve problems, outside of the necessary changes of heart which allow couples to forgive offenses and begin to mend their relationship.  So it is the heart we much look at here… and that is where the ‘S’ words come in!

I remember the first time this lesson hit home, and was I convicted, was after a big fight over something trivial (aren’t they all in hindsight??) and I left the room.  After fuming for what seemed like hours (probably 10 minutes) I walked into the room and Brittany said the one thing I was not ready for- “sorry.”  How could she do that- how could she give up! – I still wanted to fight, I already had all my arguments in a row and ready to fire- but she disarmed me- “I’m sorry” was all it took.   Sorry is the first ‘S’ word.  It’s amazing how that small word doesn’t make the fight go away- but it was a signal that she loved me and cared for our relationship more than the topic of discussion.  Sorry IS powerful.  Guys don’t think that wives are the only ones who can use sorry– believe it or not, it is 100 times more powerful if you say it then if they do!  Back to books, women need emotional support they NEED emotional security- sorry fulfills that (well. . . in a way).  Taking ownership of an argument and being willing to lay aside the hurt first proves to your wife that you care for her and your love is stronger than any vain argument.  Use this tool wisely, overuse could negate the whole idea, but you already knew that. (too much of a good thing…)

The second ‘S’ word is a little slippery to say. . . lets just put it this way- girls are emotional; guys are physical.  *EX. . .  We have all heard that it will bring a couple together during times of trouble- and they’re right!  Man’s #1 need is this (His Needs, Her Needs) and just like sorry to ladies shows them care and support guys need to hear it too.  We all can laugh because it is an awkward subject to talk about but it is essential, it is even Biblical,

So now that you know both words, or I hope you do, the final point I’ll bring up is the hurt cycle.  In every relationship book there is either something called: a Love Tank (5 Love Languages), the Crazy Cycle (Love and Respect), the Rocky Road of Hurt and Anger (6 Secrets to a Lasting Love), a Love Bank (His Needs/ Her Needs), Love Busters and Resolutions (Love Busters) which basically give you a picture of how each person reacts to what is done to them (cause and effect).  If they receive hurt, it is natural to return hurt and a cycle is formed.  So every married couple should strive to break that natural cycle and the ‘S’ words help.  Guys sorry is all it takes to stop the hurt, Ladies try and “make up” with your man and he will thank you for it 🙂

So in conclusion (yes Brittany… in conclusion)  The ‘S’ words are simple ways to speak to your spouse at a deep level and hopefully stop the cycle of hurt before it gets too serious.  I believe that God put every married couple together and with love and support every marriage can thrive!  Good luck everyone-  I hope I said something useful.  Below I am listing my favorite relationship books- hopefully again, to enrich your marriage the way they do mine.

sam

His Needs, Her Needs– Willard F. Harley, Jr. (isbn 0-8007-1788-0)
The Five Love Languages– Garry Chapman (isbn 1-8812-7310-5)
Love & Respect– Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs (isbn1-59145-187-6)
6 Secrets to a Lasting Love– Dr Gary & Barbara Rosberg (isbn 1-4143-1210-5)
Love Busters– Willard F. Harley, Jr. (isbn 0-8007-1807-0)