Not For the Weak…

My oldest daughter asked me to guest blog during this week as she focused on Marriage. When I asked if there were anything in particular she would like me to speak to on this topic . . . . her reply was “no, I would think you and Dad would have some definite thoughts since you are going on 31 years of marriage.”  So as I pondered that . . . . . . . here’s what I came up with . . . . . . 

Marriage is not for the weak . . . 
My husband and I walked the aisle almost 31 years ago this month and said “I DO”, not having a clue what lay ahead of us. The last 31 years have been woven together with many  blessings and challenges – most of which, I was not prepared for in the least. So you might ask “How did we survive those unexpected, unprepared for challenges?”. Over the years when asked that question, I’ve been known to respond with:“We are both to stubborn to give up!” You may laugh at that, but sometimes I wonder how large a role that particular character trait has played in our marriage. In all seriousness . . . . we are not still happily married because of anything we did, except rely on Jesus Christ and make Him the center of our relationship and home.

You see, we both grew up in homes that we vowed not to repeat. My husbands parents were married several times and when my father passed I was raised by a man that was a nightmare. So we both were committed to having a different type of home life. What we found was that with Christ’s help, it can and will be different but even in the best of circumstances, marriage is difficult. Why would we expect it to be anything less? If you think about it, God is bringing two totally different people together with different strengths and weaknesses to complete each other and become one. How could that not be riddled with challenges? All the while Satan is alive and well with a focused effort on doing what he can to provide those challenges. Over the years Satan has provided my husband and I with many challenges. 

Being in the ministry brings it’s own set of trials to your marriage that I would not have anticipated. I always believed that it was so much easier for our Pastors and their Wives to have a good marriage because their entire focus was on God and serving His people. After all, they don’t have the daily stresses of working in the secular world, dealing with mean people, being treated unfairly, short staffed, no pay increase, loss of jobs, over utilized and under appreciated, etc. What I’ve learned is that they face the very same trials except they come from the body of believers they have been called to serve. In fact; when faced with these trials, I found it more difficult to stay Christ Centered than I had when we experienced some of these same issues in a secular job. As a Pastors wife, I struggled with the anger of why God allowed His people to treat us this way, and it affected my marriage. I had an expectation that was much higher for God’s people and when it was not met according to God’s word,  I was deeply hurt and angry that He had allowed those things to happen. What was worse; my husband, the faithful man of God he is, never faultered in his service. So I found myself turning my anger towards him. How could he not be affected by these things? Doesn’t he hurt? What’s more; doesn’t he care that I hurt? My children hurt? Our livelihood has been compromised? The answer to all those questions was “YES”. The difference was, he had given it to God and I hadn’t. He realized that in serving God and His people – “His people” was made up of sinners saved by grace.  In realizing this and refocusing on what God called us to do, I am learning to trust Him more and that has helped us grow in our marriage. 

When my oldest daughter and her boyfriend were dating, I remember her saying “Love should be enough, and it shouldn’t be difficult”. Many people believe this and because of that, find it easier to let go of their marriage than fight for it. They believe their trials come from a lack of love but that’s not the case. Marriage is hard work 24/7. You have to trust that your spouse is seeking God’s direction for your family. Sometimes you have to make a conscience effort to like that person. Sometimes you have to make a conscience effort to stay “in love”. Not the giddy kind of love you had when you first married, but a deeper more meaningful love that only comes over time, thru struggles, shared experiences, victories, etc. I can honestly say that I love my husband more today more than I did 31 years ago.
 

God Bless,

Tina Sears


*note from Brittany:come on now, aren’t you jealous she’s not your mom?!?! The woman is WISE!*