This past weekend I took a trip up to Poplar Bluff, Missouri…the land of no Starbucks and Targets.
Lord help me.
The trip came about really fast actually. Wednesday afternoon my mom text my sisters and myself informing us on my grandma’s condition. I don’t know whether I just chose not to really sit and let myself comprehend what was going on or if I just really understand the weight of what my mother told us…but honestly, as I read through her text I felt like I was reading a “terms of agreement” clause. They usually list the facts you’re required to agree to in order to proceed on with whatever it is you’re trying to do. If you’re like me, then you really just skim the terms, hurry and “agree”, because what you want to do is pending on the agreement.
So here were the terms:
* her cancer had spread a finger’s length
* they wanted to start chemo today
* my mom and her siblings didn’t feel my grandma would survive chemo
There they were…laid out right in front of me. All I had to do was “agree” with them and move on. Because let’s face it, this is a busy time of year. I have a house to decorate, Christmas presents to shop for, Cards to send out, and a business to keep afloat. Ha! I just laugh at myself even typing this, but it was true…and oh so easy to get caught up in. So you know what I did? What most people do when reading a “terms of agreement”; just skim it and accept.
Don’t lie…you do it too! haha!
So whether I liked it or was ready to deal with it didn’t matter, I had to accept it. So I pretended to so I could move on about my busy schedule.
My mom however, focused on what really mattered…her mother. When things finally started to set in about her mom’s condition she wasn’t okay with just continuing on about her day. So somehow we all dropped everything we were doing, all the work, decorating, and shopping, and went where we really need to be…with my grandma. For one last time.
Our weekend consisted of little sleep, crazy kids, laughter, and tears…many tears, but I wouldn’t change a moment of it at all.
When you or someone close to you is facing their last days on Earth, you realize what really matters. I spent a lot of time soaking up everything about my grandma. Her smile, sarcastic comments, the pictures she displayed, our shared memories. And as I walked in her room I noticed a few pictures on her dresser. First, I took a picture of the photos to use as blackmail on my mom (ha!), but then I studied them. These were significant to her…she had them up for a purpose.
She knew how precious this time was as well. Nothing was going to stop her from soaking it all in as well.
This last picture makes me bawl like a baby. It didn’t at the time I took it; I just thought Paisley looked so cute staring out the window…but now it has a deeper meaning.
She savored those very last seconds to carry with her forever.
So grandma,
Here’s an early Happy Birthday celebration in your honor…just one last time.
I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I’m glad for you were able to see her one last time. Cherish those memories for ever, I can recall every last minute with my mom. Oh what a gift to receive at Christmas time of a new body. Praise Jesus!
This post made me bawl like a baby. We’re in a similar, but totally different stage with my grandma. Each time I see her, I know it may be the last, even though she has no clue who I am. Because of her severe dementia, she’s been gone for a long time. I see her face several times a week but I haven’t really seen my grandma in a long, long time. Your post made me realize that I haven’t mourned over losing her. See, she’s not gone yet so I feel silly mourning. But her mind is gone. My grandma is no longer here. Just this woman who looks like her. I realized today how much I miss her and I can’t imagine how badly my own mother must be hurting. Glad you had a memorable last visit with your Grandma.
That kinda ripped my heart out. It does provide some perspective after the day I’ve had with the littles.