Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss…tonight at 7:00pm people all over the world will be lighting candles in remembrance of their loss, or for someone they know that lost a baby. It will look like a wave of light across the country as each time zone reaches 7:00pm. If you have suffered a loss please leave a comment (if you feel comfortable) and I would love to pray for you! Tell me your name and your story. Also I would greatly appreciate your prayers as well! Here are a couple of other blog mamas who will be grieving today as well Angie, Stacey, and Boothe family…I actually grabbed the prayer idea from one of them.

Anyway, here is my story:

I found out I was pregnant with my son Ethan only 6 months after my husband and I got married…pretty quick and unexpected…you see I was on birth control (not my thing anymore). So if you rely on that…maybe you should think twice ;)…anyway he was born on September 12, 2006! Such a beautiful little boy! Then when he was about 9 months old, I found out that I was pregnant again…we couldn’t believe it, we were excited, and we knew I had to be super fertile!…I mean really! (this next part I am putting in here because it is apart of my story, but you should just read it for what its worth…we are fine now, so don’t judge) I went to my weekly play group and I spilled the beans to one of my friends…before I even told Sam. I then waited a couple of days to tell Sam, because we were at that point still living with my parents and this would kinda put a kink in our situation. When I told him he was nervous at first, but he then became excited…we were having another baby!!! About a week after that, we sat down with my family and told them the news…they seemed to be less than thrilled…they questioned me, my decisions, and my family…I was crushed…I cried uncontrollably, and I felt as though Sam and I were in this all alone. (since then, everything has been worked out) Two days after my horrific fight with my family I went to the ob for my first visit…I expected the usual, and I thought things would be less than eventful…but that was so not true. When my ob did my ultrasound, all we saw was a little sac…I was supposed to be 8 wks. at that point…but he said I might be kind of off due to breast feeding and a wonky cycle. So I continued to come back once a week for a month…the next times I had Sam with me…I couldn’t tackle this alone. To everyone, I presented a front…I just knew I was carrying a healthy baby…I had all of the symptoms…and strong…but on the inside I had the worst feeling. But I didn’t want to deal with that feeling because I didn’t know how I would survive without this precious baby in my life. To make a long story short, it was decided that I had a blighted ovum…those words spilled out of the doctors mouth with ease…but as he sad it, his eyes look so somber…I knew he grieved with me, because he was used to delivering life, and he had brought my lovely Ethan to me. I was scheduled for a d&c the next day…I went in for my surgery and the nurses acted cold…not compassionate for my loss, was I supposed to be numb to this? On July 12, 2007 I had my baby taken from me…I knew that she (I think she) was already in the arms of God, but I felt that as long as she was in my belly I could protect her and she would survive…even though that wasn’t true. I went into surgery pregnant and came out not…when I awoke and realized that I was crushed…my hopes and dreams for that baby were lost…my world stopped…I wondered how God could do this to me…I would like to say I was a strong Christian example, but I was mad.

My friend and I were to be due within a week of each other…the same friend who found out about my pregnancy before anyone else. I love her though…but I questioned God on why she got to keep her baby, but I had to give mine up? She NEVER made me feel bad at all, but through each stage of pregnancy I imagined how I would be with her. On a side note, I was there like 10 minutes after her precious son was born (I knew he was a boy!) and I had some healing/grief through that. She is an amazing friend…that’s all I can say about that.

My baby was supposed to be due February 8, 2008…we named her Mawusi Durriel Estes. Her name means “in God’s arms”…how perfect huh? Sam also bought me this:

Though this charm doesn’t stand for this, it represents to me the piece that is missing in my heart and life now that my baby is gone.

About 3 months after my miscarriage I found out I was pregnant again…this time I was terrified…but God is faithful and I found out I was due on July 12, 2008…the same day I lost my baby…thank you Lord…I knew then that things would be okay. And on July 6, 2008 we welcomed a beautiful baby boy named Titus into our lives! God is SO good! Thank you for letting me share…and please light a candle…and share with me your stories!

This song I LOVE and I want to share it with you…

“Held”

by: Natalie Grant

Two months is too little.

They let him go.

They had no sudden healing.

To think that providencewould

Take a child from his mother while she prays Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?

What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?

We’re asking why this happens

To us who have died to live?

It’s unfair.

Chorus:

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness.

We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.

The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we’d be held.

Bridge:

If hope is born of suffering.

If this is only the beginning.

Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we’d be held.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss…tonight at 7:00pm people all over the world will be lighting candles in remembrance of their loss, or for someone they know that lost a baby. It will look like a wave of light across the country as each time zone reaches 7:00pm. If you have suffered a loss please leave a comment (if you feel comfortable) and I would love to pray for you! Tell me your name and your story. Also I would greatly appreciate your prayers as well! Here are a couple of other blog mamas who will be grieving today as well Angie, Stacey, and Boothe family…I actually grabbed the prayer idea from one of them.

Anyway, here is my story:

I found out I was pregnant with my son Ethan only 6 months after my husband and I got married…pretty quick and unexpected…you see I was on birth control (not my thing anymore). So if you rely on that…maybe you should think twice ;)…anyway he was born on September 12, 2006! Such a beautiful little boy! Then when he was about 9 months old, I found out that I was pregnant again…we couldn’t believe it, we were excited, and we knew I had to be super fertile!…I mean really! (this next part I am putting in here because it is apart of my story, but you should just read it for what its worth…we are fine now, so don’t judge) I went to my weekly play group and I spilled the beans to one of my friends…before I even told Sam. I then waited a couple of days to tell Sam, because we were at that point still living with my parents and this would kinda put a kink in our situation. When I told him he was nervous at first, but he then became excited…we were having another baby!!! About a week after that, we sat down with my family and told them the news…they seemed to be less than thrilled…they questioned me, my decisions, and my family…I was crushed…I cried uncontrollably, and I felt as though Sam and I were in this all alone. (since then, everything has been worked out) Two days after my horrific fight with my family I went to the ob for my first visit…I expected the usual, and I thought things would be less than eventful…but that was so not true. When my ob did my ultrasound, all we saw was a little sac…I was supposed to be 8 wks. at that point…but he said I might be kind of off due to breast feeding and a wonky cycle. So I continued to come back once a week for a month…the next times I had Sam with me…I couldn’t tackle this alone. To everyone, I presented a front…I just knew I was carrying a healthy baby…I had all of the symptoms…and strong…but on the inside I had the worst feeling. But I didn’t want to deal with that feeling because I didn’t know how I would survive without this precious baby in my life. To make a long story short, it was decided that I had a blighted ovum…those words spilled out of the doctors mouth with ease…but as he sad it, his eyes look so somber…I knew he grieved with me, because he was used to delivering life, and he had brought my lovely Ethan to me. I was scheduled for a d&c the next day…I went in for my surgery and the nurses acted cold…not compassionate for my loss, was I supposed to be numb to this? On July 12, 2007 I had my baby taken from me…I knew that she (I think she) was already in the arms of God, but I felt that as long as she was in my belly I could protect her and she would survive…even though that wasn’t true. I went into surgery pregnant and came out not…when I awoke and realized that I was crushed…my hopes and dreams for that baby were lost…my world stopped…I wondered how God could do this to me…I would like to say I was a strong Christian example, but I was mad.

My friend and I were to be due within a week of each other…the same friend who found out about my pregnancy before anyone else. I love her though…but I questioned God on why she got to keep her baby, but I had to give mine up? She NEVER made me feel bad at all, but through each stage of pregnancy I imagined how I would be with her. On a side note, I was there like 10 minutes after her precious son was born (I knew he was a boy!) and I had some healing/grief through that. She is an amazing friend…that’s all I can say about that.

My baby was supposed to be due February 8, 2008…we named her Mawusi Durriel Estes. Her name means “in God’s arms”…how perfect huh? Sam also bought me this:

Though this charm doesn’t stand for this, it represents to me the piece that is missing in my heart and life now that my baby is gone.

About 3 months after my miscarriage I found out I was pregnant again…this time I was terrified…but God is faithful and I found out I was due on July 12, 2008…the same day I lost my baby…thank you Lord…I knew then that things would be okay. And on July 6, 2008 we welcomed a beautiful baby boy named Titus into our lives! God is SO good! Thank you for letting me share…and please light a candle…and share with me your stories!

This song I LOVE and I want to share it with you…

“Held”

by: Natalie Grant

Two months is too little.

They let him go.

They had no sudden healing.

To think that providencewould

Take a child from his mother while she prays Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?

What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?

We’re asking why this happens

To us who have died to live?

It’s unfair.

Chorus:

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness.

We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.

The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we’d be held.

Bridge:

If hope is born of suffering.

If this is only the beginning.

Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we’d be held.