Hanging out near the ice cream aisle at Sam’s, the kids and I discussed how the workers got all the food in the freezers. “What’s this door go to? Why can’t I touch it this button?” Normal questions for kids that age, and when you multiply that by 4 there are many. We took up most of the aisle laughing, playing, singing, and talking. Through the noise Sam and I discussed what all we needed to purchase, because multitasking is a must when your family is large.
I soon began to realize we were being watched. A normal, yet awkward feeling, almost like we were an exhibit at the zoo. As the lady walked toward me, clearly wanting to initiate a conversation, I braced myself for what she might say.
“Another one on the way?! Five kids, man you are brave!”
“You need to get a bigger tv.”
And many more unimaginative, tacky, inappropriate comments I hear all the time. About half of our outings entailed these kind of run ins with strangers, until I became noticeably pregnant recently. Now every time we’re out, I can expect one or more comments. I’ve heard it all really, but I wasn’t ready for what she said,
And then I felt eyes like lasers staring me down. While trying to walk down an aisle of the store, a lady’s stride was disturbed by our kids’ play. That’s when she let out a sigh, and began staring at us. I knew what she was thinking, because I’ve seen it many times before while out with my babies. It was almost plastered across her forehead. In fact it has been my biggest fear when I share of how many kids I have, or I’m seen parenting them.
It almost seems like our society has accepted a doctrine of required perfection at birth. And because kids are “difficult” to maintain under these ideals, it’s such a foreign thought to have more than 1 or 2. So when I am out walking in public with 4 almost 5 kids I’m insane, or even irresponsible. It’s sad when I feel the need to be apologetic when announcing the impending arrival of another child rather than excited. Though we didn’t plan this baby, I shouldn’t feel like I’ll be reprimanded for her life.
Do not think that I am, by any means, the perfect parent. In fact I struggle often. I expect so much out of my children, I get frustrated a lot, and I fail some days. But that doesn’t mean my life is horrible because of it. I love these children. They are honestly the best things that have ever happened to me. Most days I’m still in shock they are mine, calling me mommy, wanting me to hold them, hug them, and love them. Watching them grow and the excitement and pride that beams across their face when they have learned something new is breathtaking. I get to do this with 5 kids.
Our culture needs an adjustment on how we perceive children. They are not a burden, your life is not over once you have them, and they don’t ruin it either.
If you are a parent, or want to be one someday, please hear this one encouragement. It’s one that has taken me a few kids to realize, ha! Please know that your children are in fact just that, children. You can not and should not expect them to act as grown adults. They will ask many questions, all be it annoying sometimes, but this is how they learn. How we once learned. They will jump up and down, dance to their own music, sing, and want to play in public. Who cares?! Life is not all about business. Children are forced to grow up so fast in this society, let them play. Perfect behavior and clothing is not a requirement when you’re 4 years old. Don’t get me wrong, rules should be taught and followed, but are you expecting too much out of your kids?
Children are a blessing, and can often teach you more than you ever teach them. Look at them as such, try to see life through their eyes. For this age is fading fast. Will you remember how well behaved they were in public, or that one time you jumped in the van, pajama clad, playing tag all the way to the frozen food aisle at Wal-Mart, for an ice cream run?
Do you struggle with what others think of you and your kids?
How can you take today and enjoy them as children?
So much truth, there, my friend. I get those kind of looks and comments with just 3 kids. I’m still baffled that people think 3 kids is a lot. But whatever. Wouldn’t trade the crazy moments for anything!
Right?!?! What a great thing those crazy moments are!
It’s nice to know that there are other moms out there just like me! I have four kids age 4, 3, 2 and 4 months, and many people look at me like I am insane! I constantly get the ‘got your hands full’ comments and others like it. Even my own family disapproves of my large family, as I am an only child.
I met an older lady at the store last week that told me she had 7 kids, but ‘back then’ she tied them up to a rope (or leash) when she went shopping! She couldn’t believe that I could go shopping with 4 kids without tying them up!
It’s nice to see that other people do have more than 2 kids on purpose, and enjoy their larger family!
I’m pregnant with my 4th and I am amazed-not in a good way-at the comments I’ve received from strangers and even family. My favorite? “You do know how that happens, right? Maybe you should stop.” As if there is something WRONG with having more than the perfect vision of 2 kids. Guess what? I wanted 4 kids, and we are just as excited about this one!
My kids are well behaved in public. The older two always have been. The toddler, obviously, is still learning. But, seriously, people need to stop being so judgmental and vocal. They need to give moms a break and remember that kids are learning how to be adults!
Love this post. I can’t tell you how many weird comments and looks I’ve gotten recently having a new born. I only have four kids people. Plus I only ever take the two youngest shopping because my older ones are at school. Someone one day did tell my husband bless you when they found out we had four boys but usually it’s are you crazy.
I just read another blogger with similar thoughts yesterday. You might like to read: http://womenlivingwell.org/2013/04/having-babies-in-opposite-world/
I have not had the privilege of becoming a mother yet, but I hope and pray that I am soon. As you know, I grew up in a family of six, and I never thought it was weird or that there were to many of us. I love every one of my siblings and would never go back in time and vote some off. Also, although a lot of those looks may really be rude or critical, there are a lot of women out there who enjoy watching the silliness of kids. Just today I was watching a 3 year old run back and forth through some automatic doors, laughing hysterically. His mom apologized like he might be in my way, but truly, I was enjoying him. Some women may be staring because they are amazed, happy, or even jealous of all the love. 🙂
You’re doing a good job Britt! I hope to meet your little ones someday. Enjoy.
So ironic that post just went up too! Thanks for the encouragement, and I can’t wait to see you be a mom!
I’m amazed when people stare at my children when they’re misbehaving in public as if they have never seen it before. My son is five, my daughter one…they are going to misbehave. I just start singing “If You’re Happy and You Know It” really loud. Thank the Lord for whoever wrote that song.
Oh I SO need to try that song!
Love your perspective! Parenting is hard no matter HOW many kids you have. They are all different, unique, and you are right– a blessing.
Girl, this is great! I get the same nasty looks with three and it bothers me so much. Through all the chaos and annoying questions (Haha), I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love my children and cannot imagine my life without the chaos. No chaos would be weird for me 🙂 Stand tall mama and be proud of those precious children!
Can’t wait to see your new baby girl!
I agree with SO much of what you’re saying!! I have twin 4 year-old boys that are very “active” and people are (shockingly) often rude to me if they’re not “behaving” in a way they see fit. I usually think that these people either never had kids or have forgotten what it’s like. I too demand a lot of them sometimes and have to remember they’re only 4 and it’s a GREAT age to just be a kid. Once I relax a little, we ALL have a better experience. More power to you!!! I love your big, beautiful family and I’ll remember to comment on such when I see a large family in my travels:-)))
God bless your beautiful family! You children are adorable. The most hostile looks I have ever received because of the kids is from our church. When they make a bit noise or move around in the aisle, I get nasty looks from pious people.. How crazy is that, right? Anyways, I know how lucky and blessed I am to have these kids in my life.. Having children is the greatest blessing that you could have from God.. so, I don’t care what people think… Its all good as long as I have my family… Love all the pictures 🙂 Happy SITS day dear.
Such an insightful post! I have to admit I get caught up with how it looks to other people. But you are right children are children. Even teenagers have their moments, because after all, they are teenagers. I have several friends who have 6 and 7 children. I have 3. Every family is different and they’re a blessing no matter what!
I’m constantly baffled by the stories I hear about parenting, specifically the comments people feel they can make to complete strangers about parenting. (I’m expecting my first this fall and bracing myself for all types of comments!) While I personally don’t know that I could have four or five children, I think there is also something wonderful about being part of a big family. I grew up with just one sister, and I think for that reason I always envisioned myself with two children. Happy SITS day, and thanks for sharing your story and family!
I love this post. I am working on a post myself about people (especially women) judging each other’s choices. It makes me crazy! I grew up with 4 older brothers and loved my big family! I only have one child (not for lack of trying for more) and I am often sad that she is alone and doesn’t have brothers and sisters to play with or “back her up” in the neighborhood. Big families breed lots of love and unselfishness. There should be more of them!
Blessings on your soon to be new arrival!
I knew we had something in common. We have 6 Kiddies total in our Team…our ages start at 2 and go up to 19. When we are all out as one whole crew trust me we get the looks as well so I know exactly what you mean when you say you brace yourself for the rude, inappropriate and at times down right outrageous comments. Yet the rare times when you come into contact with a person you ‘gets it’ those are the times I live for. No, you should not in anyway feel you should reprimand her for life. We were meant to create. Period. Those who have the issues…it’s THEIR issue. Enjoy your Kiddies and let them enjoy life. At least that’s how I see it. Great post at thanks for sharing … PS sprinkling a bit of love from SITSgirls… 🙂
I’m sorry to hear about that one person’s negative experience but the one prior to it sounded lovely–and validating. People have all kinds of opinions about life. I think eventually you learn to feel good about your own opinions/beliefs and not be so rocked by others. I could get into projection, the speaker’s inadequacies, maybe they can’t have kids of their own, how it isn’t about you, etc. but really it’s about your reaction. To hell what other people think–if your family brings you joy, own it! There will always be people trying to tear down others–you don’t have to buy into it. I have 4 kids (one is a step-kid) and I’d love to have more. I’m not wrong or right for this, I just know that I love kids (and animals). I’m a nurturer. If I listened to what others think, I’d live a crazy life! Instead, I feel good about my choices and try to respect others’ choices as well.
I love this. I hate to see people get so judgemental about people’s choices to have children. I have two now and I hope to have one more and everyone has a opinion on it…but its my decision! You have a beautiful family. Enjoy your SITS day!
Children are a blessing!!!! I want four! 🙂 We have one little ginger baby and plan to add another to our family soon, after we move. I think its awesome that you have yourself a little gaggle of children! I have a friend that also has 5 kids and it’s just so inspiring to me!
Nicely said. Sometimes I do expect to much out of my little man and I find it stresses me out a lot. But when I remind myself, as you said, he’s just a kid and this is how he learns, I find I can relax. Now if I can just convince my husband 🙂
Happy SITS Day.
I am astounded by the things that come out of people’s mouths. Why is it any of their business how many kids you have? I have two, so I can’t relate to the comments you have to endure, but I don’t get it. My youngest is 12, but I remember those days with little ones, and I remind myself of those times when I see a mom running errands with kids who are behaving less than perfectly. As long as the kids aren’t throwing cans of soup at me in the grocery store, live and let live. Why waste energy on make nasty comments or judgments? Visiting from SITS – hope you are having a great SITS day!
great post…and so true. My hubby would get embarrased when our only child, Dino, would scream, grown, and roar in stores. I just reminded him smile at the stares and say aloud that he’s just a kid and if people can’t handle being around kids….don’t leave the house.
Happy Sits Day
Thanks for the great post. We have three daughters. We wanted four but life happened and number four is in heaven. Enjoy your children. Forgive the stares. Remember one or two of them may be envy or broken hearts. Enjoy your SITS Day.
Love this post! And kudos to you. I can barely keep up with two – you are SUPERWOMAN!
I have three boys and I feel that people have similar reactions to us in the store, as the one you described above. I notice that many people stand around in public venues in judgement of those who have children. (Maybe I am just sensitive?) I would agree with your statement, that people do feel that kids should be born perfect. I’ve seen so many complaints on public forums of children being upset and crying in public, and God Forbid it should happen on an airplane! I think it’s absolutely ridiculous! We aren’t robots, we are human beings.
I have two children and stopped because I knew that two was the right number for me. My mother had six children…3 boys & 3 girls. Growing up in a family of eight makes me appreciate having a large family and the unique benefits associated with such. Your little ones will ALWAYS have someone to play with. They’ll know how wonderful it is to Love and BE Loved. Their life experiences will be divinely multiplied by the number of siblings they’ll have to share it with.
You are blessed and so are your children. Don’t worry about what others say. Chances are they don’t know what they’re missing. Congrats on your SITS Day!!!
This is great! I feel that way some times and I only have one child… so far! I also have to say I’m guilty of thinking that before I had kids a few years ago… when I would see a mom with a bunch of kids that were (in my mind) out of control. I think you have to have a child before you fully understand it all.
I’m glad you wrote this 😀 It made me smile!
Happy SITS day!
Keia
Your family size is nobody’s business but your own. No need to apologize or be defensive about something that clearly brings you joy. Enjoy your SITS day!
It is astounding that strangers feel justified in judging someone else’s life. Although we have only two children, several of our friends have 5 or 6. They, like you, celebrate the blessings of a big family. Your children are very lucky to be part of such a big, fun family!
Visiting from SITS!
Wow! I grew up in all this craziness and it’s beautiful to see it in your family too! lol xoxo Great post!
Its so true! I only have 1 child and I get those looks esp now that i have a 3 year old! I agree ppl have such an expectation that children to be little adults once they are born…ugh gets soooo frustrating! Glad to know I’m not alone!
Oh, I love this post, Brittany. I have three kids and three step kids. I need your reminder to let our kids be kids. And sometimes I wish I could remind others when they’re judging my kids or someone else’s.
PS: Your blog is so pretty! Love the design.
People say weird things sometimes. I would like to think most of the time they mean well but just don’t know what to say so they blurt out something odd. I can’t imagine saying something rude to a stranger! I get it, I know some people just aren’t fond of children, but to me, it’s adorable to watch them be playful and ask questions. I don’t have any kidlets of my own yet, but I love playing with all my friends kids. You are blessed five times over!
Thanks so much for this post! What a wonderful insight for people with a lot (or NOT) of kids and what they have to deal with from the judgemental public… 🙁
I have a 5 year old daughter who we have recently found has ASD. We have had MANY disapproving and judgemental LOOKS or comments from strangers and even some friends/family members who don’t understand that we are all doing the best we can with the hand we’ve been dealt. My daughter has actually improved immensely and had lots of personal triumphs that we are SO proud of!
I think sharing your story from the perspective from the mom’s side is a wonderful teaching opportunity for people in general… I find that when people are informed and learn more about others outside of their own “world sphere” there tends to be less judging attitudes out there…
So happy to have found you, and enjoy your SITS Day!
My husband and I don’t have kids yet, but when we do we know its going to be hard work – but a blessing. Great post 🙂
Wonderful post! I come from a family of seven, and we always got a lot of looks as well. Especially since we are all girls and one of my sisters is disabled. I would not want to change a thing though, I love coming from a large family! And you know what? As we got older instead of getting the comments on how my parents shouldn’t of had five kids now we hear compliments. It does get easier! I remember the many times we have been stopped in the store by people who see us there week after week and comment on how well we are behaved, how refreshing it is to see girls dressed nicely and modestly, etc. The Lord can use large families as a witness.
I love this post!! SO TRUE!
This week I attended a funeral of a very young lady ~ only 3 months younger than me. She was blessed with one granddaughter who is 3. I watched, and as the nieces sang a tribute to their aunt, the little girl dance beside her grandmother’s coffin (which she explained to her mother was actually a cocoon). It was PRECIOUS! Others may not have approved, but I am sure my friend would have been delighted…and I was so proud none of the relatives tried to stop her…as if they could… 🙂 I enjoyed your post and will try to refrain from asking silly questions of young mothers like yourself…now that I’m a grandmother, I say the more the merrier…. enjoyed your post!!!
I get those looks too even with 2 (wild) kids! Some people are too focused on easy living that they forget what blessings children are! Thank you for this post!