Potty training.
It’s enough to drive a person crazy.
As parents, sometimes we luck out and our child initiates the whole “I’m a big kid now” tinkling in the potty process. Your heart leaps with joy as you envision your life with a whole now found freedom.
No longer will it be necessary for you to impersonate Tom Cruise, as Ethan Hawk, and attack those poopy diapers like Mission Impossible. (Let’s face it, sometimes they seem like they could be, ha!) Oh and my personal favorite is when you go to change a diaper and find out you’ve been ambushed. Somehow the nastiness had gone undetected until this point, but now it’s out for vengeance…and finds itself on your child, the floor, your arm, and…your face.
Precious, precious moments in parenting.
Anyway, once your child has decided to no longer need a diaper, it only seemed like a smooth and natural transition into underwear. There had never been anything easier in your life!
Parents, if this is you, congratulations….. and I hate you.
Because the rest of the world lives like this:
You finally decide that your obstonate 3 1/2 year old should really be over this diaper business. As a matter of fact, if something doesn’t change and fast, you’ve even considered rationing his allowance or charging him per diaper.
Terror fills his eyes, panic sets in, and right as he turn to run away…you grab him.
As you drag him down the hall, arms are flailing, legs convulsing, and high pitched screams can be heard from 3 houses down. Plus your child’s pretty upset too, ha.
Once in the bathroom you explain the wonders of this incredible contraption that takes your “deposits” and transports them to a far away land. You ask, “Wouldn’t you like to be apart of this amazing system?” With a slight twinge of fear, he stares confused like you are speaking Mandarin Chinese.
After realizing your story might have slightly scarred your child for life, you promise him that the toilet will not in fact suck him in and he shouldn’t fear sitting on it. Little did you know that you would spend the next TWO hours sitting with him while he worked on “depositing” something….ANYTHING in the toilet.
As the 1 hr. 59 min. mark hits, you begin to rethink your decision. Why did I tell him that he needed to sit until he went potty? This kid is totally calling my bluff. Then the inner genius pops up with a thought. I know I can sit here longer than he can hold his “deposit”, I just know it. So after a brief inner monologue with a tough love pep-talk you decide that you can sit a bit longer. And it’s on!
Then a minute later …… he goes potty.
Whew!
Thank goodness, you were about to call this business quits. I mean the kid could really start a trend as a diaper donning college student…right?!
Days, weeks, and months consist of hit and misses among the potty going success rate. Finally he seems excited to go to the bathroom! Did he realize how cool it is to wear underwear with Buzz Lightyear’s face plastered on your hinny? Nope, he realized mommy was desperate and now offered candy after each successful bathroom trip. This decision came after a fun Fall Festival which resulted in a massive stash of candy.
What better way to motivate?
After day 3 of your child climbing the walls before 10 am from your “tinkle induced” sugar high, you decide to switch to single M&M’s as reward.
Much Better.
…..and then your child stares you down and “deposits” a nice little treasure in his pants.
My joy is now complete as a parent.
Ugh boys! Caleb was getting all excited all the time to “make potties” and being dry 3/4 of the tme (when brought every hr) to “no wanna make potties” scream in the fetal position as if i am killing him. So now its very touch and go. Sometmes he wants to and sometmes the word makes him think i am going to kill him. And they say girls are dramatic.
Hilarious! I feel for you and don’t look forward to potty training at all.
I can’t say I have any experience in this area but I do know that my mother was so fed up with my one brother that she sent him to my grandparents for the summer. Basically told him you can’t come home till you use the big potty.
It worked.
Praying for you, friend – goodness gracious!