The Dress

It was a simple pink dress, accented with ruffled sleeves and a precious little flower on the waist. This dress would be perfect on any squishy newborn girl. That’s exactly why my mom bought it. She knew our baby girl had to have it and in her grandma excitement she snatched it up. “Look what I got for the baby! Isn’t it cute?!”, she text me. But I was not excited. I couldn’t picture the little one growing in my womb wearing that. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine the little one at all. Was she real? She had no name. And I wasn’t ready to give her one.

It wasn’t but two days before that we broke the news of a fifth grand baby to them. Not only that, but a baby girl. As I said the words out loud for what was I’m sure the first time, tears flowed down my cheeks until soon it turned into a full blown cry. It wasn’t tears of joy, more like fear, anger, and shock. Yes I loved my babies, but I didn’t think there was another one in our plans. How could this be happening? Both of my parents consoled us, and they even seemed overjoyed for this new little girl making her way into our family.

It still took me some time. Most of my days were spent in denial and peppered with a little fear. Yes, I knew she was coming, but I was content with just keeping her inside my belly. Really, I was just impartial. Like I was a bystander watching an acquaintance go through the pregnancy. Nothing seemed to be special, fun, and I found myself getting upset over the littlest issues. And that tiny dress wrapped up in excitement, well it was forgotten.

Even up to the day of my delivery I seemed in a funk. In a dance of disbelief, anger and joy. Now I was angry at myself for not allowing me to get excited. This was a precious new little baby; one that God had entrusted me with. Shouldn’t I feel thankful?! During labor the pain forced me to focus and push aside all of that nonsense. Shoot it made me care and look forward to her arrival. Though it wasn’t until I grabbed her sweet little body out of the water that I was flooded with joy. Amazing, unconditional love covered all of my doubts, anger, and ambivalence. It was all washed away and all that remained was thankfulness. Thank you Lord for giving her to me.

So this dress, now on her precious little body, brings tears to my eyes. It reminds me of the journey God brought me through as well as the love I have for Pippa. You see it’s not just a dress anymore, it’s a symbol of redemption. He was so faithful to love me, mold me, even when my heart was nasty. There’s beauty in the end, because God can take an old mess and use it for His glory.

My sweet little Pippa you have taught me so much already in your short three weeks of life; you have turned our family upside down and changed it for the better. I just know God has BIG plans for you! A quote I saw the other day stopped me right in my tracks because I know it speaks to our girl, “Though she be but little, she is fierce.”

Thank you Lord for allowing me to be apart of the amazing things you have in store for our little girl. We all love her so much!